Sunday, April 22, 2012

A Life Changing Week

I never imagined so many things could happen in just one week and all having an effect on our lives for good and bad. As I've mentioned in previous posts I use this blog as a journal for our family so I tend to be tell it how it is and sometimes can get a little personal. Note: this is one of those posts!

Last week started with a midnight trip to the ER to find out that I was going to loss twins that I was 3 months pregnant with. Eric and I had been keeping this pregnancy a secret until Sara had her baby just because it was our second pregnancy and I really wanted her not to have to share the spotlight for her first. Of course I was devastated that I would loss both of my babies as was Eric in that he always wanted twins. I still find it  hard to write about now. It was hard to have been excited about having another baby and planning on one (which was apparently two) and then all of the sudden coming up empty handed. It was even harder that Mia had left to stay with Eric's grandparents that day so I couldn't come home and hold her. I called my mom right after we found out and she was gracious enough to come right into Provo and made it in time for me to miscarry them at home Sunday night. I could have never done it without my mother's love and support as well as Eric's. He probably even saved my life as I was loosing a lot of blood and forced me to get in the car and took me to the ER again since I can be pretty stubborn when it comes to going to the hospital. My blood pressure was extremely low and after a blood transfusion and staying in the hospital over night my blood pressure was coming  back up, but I was still bleeding pretty heavily so I had an emergency D and C surgery to clean out my cervix. I was released from the hospital Monday night hurting physically and emotionally, but grateful for a little privacy again.

The Lord must have known how much my arms ached to hold my babies, because that night Sara was admitted to the hospital to have her baby. Mom and I went Tuesday morning to help her deliver. It seems such a miracle to me witnessing the birth of a healthy baby, especially after realizing how easily they can be lost and all the compilations that can arise. It made me remember how blessed I am to have a beautiful, healthy girl of my own. Baby Addilyn is such a sweet spirit and I loved getting to hold her! Anyway, we spent most of that day at the hospital and then Wednesday and Thursday were spent finishing finals, packing, cleaning and taking some loads to our new apartment, which of course I again could not have done without much help from family and friends as my mom didn't let me help with anything besides sitting in a chair and saying what was trash and to pack. Eric was also a big help (especially emotionally) through all of this while still trying to take finals and finish everything he had before graduation. My baby also came home Wednesday night and boy was I happy to see her!!! I kept making her snuggle with me and holding really seemed to cheer me up.

The cutie pie herself, snuggling with Grandma. I just can't get enough of baby Addi!!

Friday was Eric's graduation! I was a very proud wife sitting in the audience as I watched Eric walk in with all the graduates. It made me think of everything we had been through together and all that Eric had to sacrifice to get here and also how good BYU has been to us. We met at BYU, we got married while going to school at BYU, started a family, had good jobs at BYU, enjoyed going to the football and basketball games, and living up the college life! Even though I'm not quite done with school, I'm finishing up online so our time at BYU is pretty much over and I think we will both really miss it, but we are excited for a new chapter.

Eric walking in! He is the one with the orange lei.

 Considering how long graduation was Mia did quite well until they started handing out the diplomas and it lasted for over an hour. And of course Eric insisted she wear her BYU cheerleading outfit.

If you're still reading, we are finally to Saturday which was the big moving day. We again were blessed to have family and friends help us move and made it so much easier!!! Eric and I love being in our new, clean apartment and even though I take a while to get use to changes I think I'm really going to like it here. Pictures to come....sometime when I get around to unpacking everything!!!

So finally this bittersweet week is over and I couldn't have started this new week out on a better foot then going to sacrament meeting in our new ward and listening to talks about overcoming trials and hardships. I am grateful for those couple of months I had to carry those precious twin babies and know that I will get the chance to raise them whether in this life or the next. To close this post, I would like to something that really comforted me through this last week. It's from Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin's conference talk "Come what May and Love It"

"The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude."

 For sticking through this very long post here are some pictures of Miss Mia. She is becoming quite the big girl eating mostly whatever we give her and loving to eat with her fork!

I found Mia one day crammed into this little suitcase, playing with my necklaces. She is so funny always climbing and getting herself into the most random places and spaces. Our little explorer!


  1. Hanna, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. What an amazing testimony and strength you have. Lots of love and prayers your way.

  2. Hanna this post totally made me cry. I am so sorry for your loss. You are so strong and have an amazing family. I really just want to give you a big hug. :)

  3. I am glad things went well with the move and that your mom was able to help you. Wow, what a lot you have been through. I too am sorry Hanna! We love you!

  4. :( You are one strong, amazing, and faithful woman. Keep remembering that even when it feels really hard!

  5. Yeah I'm not quite sure I was emotionally ready to read this post without crying either. Thank you for being there with me in the hospital and supporting me even through your own trials.It is truly weeks like these that I too feel so overwhelmingly grateful for the gospel and wonderful family and friends. You all look so great at graduation, wish we could have been there. You are an inspiration and truly someone I look up to. Love all three of you!!!

  6. Hanna, I don't comment often, but I love your blog & Mia is adorable. I miss being your visiting teacher in Provo! I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. You have such an amazing testimony and are such a strong spirit!! I have been thinking about you all day & will continue to think about you and keep you in our prayers.

  7. Oh, Hanna, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I had an experience almost exactly like that a few years ago (one baby, though) and it was difficult. Amazing how during those times we grow so much and I cherish the lessons I learned and the ways my testimony grew through that time. We are truly never alone and I'm glad to see you've felt so comforted through such a difficult experience. What a crazy week!! I'm so glad you had a wonderful family there to help you (how I miss them!) and I'm glad you are hanging in there okay. I wish I could be there to give you a big hug and a sympathetic ear. Take it easy and hug that cute Mia even tighter. Suddenly life is so much more precious after something like that happens. Take it easy and let yourself recover, emotionally and physically (it takes time), and good luck with this new phase in life!

  8. Hanna, I had heard through the family about your miscarriage. I wanted to give you some space and privacy, which is why I didn't call or anything. But even knowing, I was in tears reading this post. My heart breaks for your loss and the pain you've experienced. And I admire your resilience and strength to see the beauty in your niece's birth and to have faith you will see your babies again. My love and prayers go out to you guys. <3


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